Archive for the ‘My web page’ Category

I’m afraid one of my fellow bloggers has got me all in a lather over Dolly and her Dinnerladies again. My chicken flock is at risk not just from foxes but Buzzards as well. Now even pictures of Mikes gorgeous house in Correzze(see below) can,t calm my nerves.

As head chicken it falls to me to come up with a solution. Looking through my DVD collection the answer struck me:

Kung-Fu lessons for the Dinnerladies.

 Yes I know what your thinking; even a highly skilled Kung-Fu chicken can’t take on a Buzzard. But there is four of them’ there must be some combo of eye gouging from the front and ball pecking from the rear movement. I’m not good with Cantonese I may even have a film actually called that.The fact remains however being as I am head chicken and the only one in the flock who has worn Kung-Fu pajamas I will start their training at once. There will be no fence painting induction as it is pointless whitewashing chicken wire,but splits between raised poles and chicken legs thrust into hot sand will be compulsory. Buzzards and Foxes beware!



Read Full Post »

A few set backs on the old self sufficiency front this week. The first and worst was to discover that the cat is not just fat. We thought we had neglected his health and failed to notice his large waist. After noticing him panting and a quick trip to the vets it turns out he has a heart condition and it is fluid rather like when Gran or Grandad get puffy ankles.His front legs are still swollen even though he has a prescription for diuretics.

He seemed to be drinking a lot of water so we looked up the drug he is prescribed on the old tinterweb and we received our second self sufficiency set back this week. It turns out that according to the manufacturer of this drug while the cat is taking the pills we cannot eat him, let me repeat that ‘we cannot eat him. Blast and damnation I’m going to have a word with that vet next week; all my culinary plans for the cat we have been grooming for fourteen years dashed by his clumsy ministrations. So there is only the chickens left and as I have already become rather fond of Dolly and her Dinnerladies I can’t see me cramming them in the pot.

Talking to a friend the day before I am aware of another up and coming problem we will have with this French vet. Thinking ahead I asked what the situation is regarding my hens if they get sick, as in veterinary treatment etc. “O! the vet would just laugh came his reply” you are expected to cure them in the oven basically. That’s the other setback no vets for sick hens. Unless!! a cunning plan comes to mind. Now the wife is a dab hand with the old water colour paints. We could mix a sharp palette of orange, green and red then paint the girls up as parrots.I can do the ” who’s a pretty boy then ” imitations behind my hand whilst my wife keeps the vet talking. Trouble is I know what the vets going to be saying “bloody big feet for a parrot I think Polly is turning into a chicken”

Read Full Post »

I think I was destined to be a self sufficient type, by that I mean it explains my total lack of fear when it comes to muck.  Washing and bathing is good but so is getting mucky. So I cannot understand other peoples phobias about germs. Don’t they see adverts for toilet cleaners that clean right round the bend and think why would I want to clean somewhere I hope never to go.

Animals lick their own arses for heavens sake. When did you last take an animal to the vets and they said has he been licking his arse arrrgh that would explain it then little Fido has a disease from licking his own arse. Now I am not saying its not possible but very unlikely.So stop pouring bleach into the environment Yes the toilet is connected to the environment everything is!! There seems to be a lot of confusion about bacteria advertisers give the impression that they are all deadly and out to get  you and your vulnerable offspring.

 I have the non bleach answer to this threat , Yes you heard it here first from arnold the methodical. Do not by bleach, go down to your supermarket and buy a loaf of bread ; not the good stuff mind but one of those cheap ones in the plastic bag, you know the ones; with added vitamins in because they have so many E-numbers in there is  no room left for anything nourishing whatsoever. Now its my observation that this bread when left out over the period of a week will stay moist but no fungus or bacteria will grow on it at all. In the past I have said If the bacteria will not eat it why the hell would I want to. Then came the revelation simply smear little Timy and Samantha with it before sending them to school, Oh! and clean the toilet with the crust. Remember a no bleach family doesn’t have to be dirty, but politely refuse their sandwiches.

I occassionaly taste the cat food, (most taste of absolutly nothing by the way)

Read Full Post »

On my previous blogs I have toyed with the idea of using an alternate identity to dispatch my chickens. `This was a work around to deal with the guilt of murdering the animals because I like meat, chicken in particular. Well all I can say now is’ Lord Vader these are not the chickens you are looking for.

I have bought 4 warrens built them a chicken coup and we fenced of a section of the garden and they are adorable creatures. The gang are collectively called the Dinner-Ladies after the sitcom. and one in particular who came and sat on my knee on the first day is called Dolly. After tucking them in for the night in their new accommodation I laid there all night worrying about the Reynard that the next door neighbour warned me about. Now I know  that Reynard is French for fox’ but it gave me an image of a crafty French fox watching me all the while from a clever vantage point in the bushes at the bottom of the garden.. A half smoked galiose hanging from his lips as he snickers “Les Anglais”. And my sleep was disturbed by images of my poor Dinner-Ladies murdered in the night.

 Me Dolly ‘N’ The Dinner-Ladies

It seems we made a good choice of birds anyway and Dolly produced an egg on the very first day. It was very runny with a thin shell but I think we can improve on that with a good diet. I have told the dogs their status has been re-assessed. The hens are cute and produce food and the dogs roll in shit and consume food, hmmm I may swap dog and chicken accommodation round, it would certainly give Reynard a big surprise if he jemmies open the coup.

Read Full Post »