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Well that’s the last night of taxi surveys and ‘ Next week I will mostly be installing garage doors’.

My 10 till 4am shift being the last , had to be the worst for weather and decibels ,courtesy of the particular brand of drunk that hangs around that area of the town centre.

You see its my observation that different socio-economic groups are attracted to particular areas of the city. Which is odd to me as neither appears distinctly  up-market or down-market.

Now the drunken staggering was more brutish last night near the train station and the bouncers were really having to throw people out of the clubs; and I mean throw them out, into a heap on the pavement. Women somewhere between 18 and 20 stone dressed as school girls (I have a nerve in my face that still twitches when I recall that vision) teetered on stressed stilettos  and weaved  in and out of cars in an almost suicidal attempt at keeping up with pub crawling friends crossing the road.

I quickly found a doorway refuge to avoid the shoulder barging from the inebriated punters.

I was soon joined by a tramp who asked politely if he could sit in the doorway. How could I refuse; the furniture store doorway was large enough for two .It had the unfortunate effect however of making us look like a duo. When he started to ask passers-by for small change; and always politely, I was marking taxi figures on my clip-board but surely it appeared that I was marking his success rate or at least assisting with some accountancy work on his behalf.

‘This is what I have come to then’ assistant to a tramp.

In my defence he was a gentleman tramp and always courteous; even wishing people who declined to give money with “have a nice day”. Just thought I would mention my business partners meritorious politeness for the benefit of all those who said I would come to  Nowt. 

I’m moving on now with my spotted hankie on a stick, (no I didn’t steal his) to seek my fortune in garage doors.

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Taxi Surveys II

It was alarming rubbing shoulders with the boisterous youth in the strong winds and rain of Leeds town centre.

I was surely the same at that age: leaping about and very loud with the beer and all.

I suppose I had a feeling of apprehension, about being jostled and caught up in the aggressive carnival of it all, and being so  cold on that Saturday night that I suspected the slightest nudge and I would shatter into tiny pieces.

Being slightly nervious  standing between two club doorways ; a throng of bouncers and drunken revellers on both sides, I sought refuge in a shop doorway, whilst watching the ridiculous spectacle of young women wearing one stitch beyond stark naked struggling with inside out umbrella’s.

Out of the blue a stranger arrived to cheer me up.

Young lad completly drunk, staggers up to me in my adopted doorway and says “Can I come in”

Now this lad was obviously an experienced drunk and when confronted by a pair of anything, ie two night-clubs, suspected the truth lay somewhere between the two.

Feeling rather mischievous , I just said “Sorry mate your too drunk”

           “AAAWWW Go on let me in” says he swaying violently.

“Sorry mate not tonight” I replied  

He staggered off completely missing the real club ,and it was perhaps for the best.

I thought of looking at my clipboard with my taxi survey results, and pretending to see if he was on the guest list, but thought the humour would be too advanced for someone in his black belt state of inebriation.

I wonder if he will tell his mates about the new club in Leeds and the miserable old sod in the woolly hat who wouldn’t let him in.

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