The background to the story
I have left France for England for 4 to 6 weeks to sell car in UK and earn some cash from work agency while I am waiting for car to sell. So agency gave me an assignment which involves standing at taxi ranks in the middle of night, counting taxi’s and passengers so Local Authorities can decide if there are enough taxi’s for the population in the town of Leeds. Standing with drunks and boisterous lads and lasses with my clipboard,
that would be me then
and this is an account of just one night in Leeds West Yorkshire England.
Standing amongst the drunks tonight two women were talking about me,
either its the booze or the disco music that desensitizes their own
hearing or they think the old git will not be able to hear them I
don’t know but they spoke loudly.
One says to the other whilst looking at me holding my clipboard
” Whats he protesting about”
” don’t know ” her friend replies
” but whatever it is he doesn’t look fuckin happy about it”
I chuckled for an hour, until well about 1:30 am when
One of the most bizarre things happened. Before I begin let me just
say I have not been physically or mentally harmed in any way ( well
maybe a sore toe).
I was physically attacked and verbally abused by a drunk in an
electric wheelchair.
The meanest thickest old drunken bastard—on two wheels that surely ever lived.
Yes I have seen the comedy were the mean wheelchair bound assailant is
given a punch in the face and the passersby only see that blow and
turn on the man who is only defending himself (Police Story type film).
So (remembering Dr Who and that Daleks can’t use steps )
all I could do was retreat to the top of the steps of a nearby building’s
foyer entrance. Every time I came down the steps he would chase after
me and try to run me down, or run over my toes or hit my ankle bone with
his foot plate or grab me, it was a Benny Hill type sketch; which those
people waiting for taxis found very amusing .
All the while as he is chasing me he has what looks like a walkie -
talkie type device on his lapel that makes a clicking and shushing
noise and he is giving a running commentary to some one imagined I
suppose, using phrases like
” we are heading north I repeat North he is trying to get away OVER”.
Anyway he would not go away and his companion could not stop his
electric chair and didn’t seem at all interested when I asked if she
would take the silly old bastard home.
I had no choice but to call the police and explain to them that he was
preventing me from doing my work. After an hour they arrived and on
seeing the police car he made a run for it or should I say he burnt
rubber and made tracks. They caught him round the corner and gave him
a warning.
I apologised to the police for what seemed a waste of their valuable
time , and they told me he was a local character well known to them.
The whole episode took an hour and a half to resolve.
I will try explaining this missing hour and a half in my taxi records, on
Monday to the recruitment agency . I’m sure when I leave the office
they will say
‘thats the best excuse we ever heard for bunking of to the boozer for an
hour and a half .
Anyway here’s a Youtube photo-fit description and a mention of a few other things he gets up to.
Oh Lazlo, what a crappy time you had. If it makes you feel any better life is just as tough here. Me, the old man and your bird went to the market on Saturday and into Carrefour afternoon where, in the interests of supporting the local patissiers we decided to treat ourselves to a raspberry tart. Back home, cutting the tart into 4, and having one each there was one quarter left over, which, had you been here had you name on it. So, even though we felt really guilty, and missing you loads we cut it into 3 and stuffed it down!! We did think of you while we were licking cream and raspberry pips from our chins.
Hope the rest of your evenings are loads better than this, and come back soon. Hope you are earning squillions!
Debs x
gosh!!!what an adventure…except it wasn’t very pleasant for you, it was for me…reading it was just like having fun with a good book or a good film…thank you for sharing…
hope you will send the car a good price ! hold on man…we support you…
What an adventure! Good luck with the sale of the car (at least you’ve got a spare one to sell – John’s just written ours off . . .)
I hope you’re not too lonely in sunny England. I’m keeping Karen busy putting properties on the website and generally being a pain.
I think I’ve sold my first house as a fully fledged independant marketing agent (the 7 day cooling-off period has only just started so no fizz just yet). What a nice feeling after working for three years in an agency that didn’t give a poop!
I haven’t had a chance to pop in to see Karen as I’m still working 6 + days a week. Let’s get together when you get back and I’ll poison you both with another one of my meals – there is still beer in the fridge from last time. You’re lucky as it’s the only thing I don’t drink . . .
Gros bisous
Elizabeth x
Peaceful Mousie
Thanks for your support I need it working in Leeds.
Debra
Yes I can see it now, three quarters of the tart polished off, one piece remains. You stand around the plate like three lunatics at a mini-roundabout revving your engines, fixing each other with gimlet eyes, probing for a weakness, as your heavily crumbed lips quiver in anticipation.
Suddenly a consensus, to spare your greedy blushes,
“This ones for Lawrence we’ll divvy it up in his honour” they cried. God bless us one and all.
Next time post my share you bunch of greedy***** ***** ******** and these aren’t kisses******** well maybe just a couple see you all soon with luck**
Elizabeth
Well done with the possible property sale, I hope it goes through Ok. Glad to know some beer waiting for me.
Cheers
Lawrence**
That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in ages…!
Great story. I feel sorry for you, but I wish I’d been there to see it. Sometimes, it’s worth hanging around with the drunk and criminally insane – great things can happen!
well done!
Hi Lazlo,
You can’t be working all the time, so write another post! If we can’t have your wit and humour 2 doors up, you could at least make us larf over the ether.
Debs x